Grape Expectations 29 July Max Crus (Simon Hughes)

At some point in the week these reviews and article will appear in The Daily Examiner (Grafton), Border Mail (Albury), Rotary Down Under (National) and Australian Petroleum Marketer News (National)

Water. Gone to Queensland and we don’t know where it are!

Sorry Banjo, but about this water business. What a bunch of whingeing Nigel South Australians with their Alexander Downer accents and their ‘Look Mum, no convicts’ self-righteous ancestry.

Queensland should just build a dam at Cameron’s Corner and then Four Corners would be out of a job too. What good did they ever do?

Queensland was built on the back of blokes that filled their bath from the Darling and ‘f&*%ed the frogs’ on Facebook (and a few sheep too of course, er, I mean the country was built on the back of sheep, not that farmers…you know what I mean).

Although surely any self-respecting farmer would be able to fix a stupid water meter wouldn’t you? Maybe it was like that bad batch of air-bags from China, with all the pumps from Townsville to Wentworth all buggering up simultaneously.

Which is the best reason yet why we don’t need Government intervention. Everything was fine and the Murray-Darling poured happily into Cubby Station until the government intervened.

Then all hell broke loose and the water poured into Cubby Station…WITH Government approval! Well, if you knew the right minister.

Now look at all the money wasted on inquiries and paperwork and visitations by sod turning Senators shouting at locals to shut up while blaming the Greens.

Same in the motoring industry. Everyone knows women are hard on transmissions and that’s why they all fell to bits in the Ford Focus and Fiesta. No blokes complained about their gear, or their gearboxes, did they…although to be fair only three fellas own a Focus or Focus, one of whom is Alexander Downer who knows about knobs and gear knobs.

Ditto the food industry. We don’t need governments telling us what’s good for us. If Heinz want to load their All Fresh Fruit and Veg kiddy food with sugar, let ‘em. We don’t need state-mandated labelling. If kids actually want to eat the stuff, of course it’s full of sugar.

60 per cent actual fruit and veg is close enough to the 99 per cent advertised on the pack isn’t it?

Same with electricity. So much cheaper since the government sold it off.

And the banks. Good corporate citizens trying to do the right thing let down by their chartered accountants.

It’s the thin edge of the wedge. Struth, next thing the government will be telling us we can’t sell alcohol to minors.

Gundog Estate Shiraz 2015 (2016 out now), $40. It’s always satisfying when a wine impresses your friends. Even Brian was impressed by this Gundog’s character, despatched in short time over equally impressive reminiscence. 9.1/10.

Gundog Estate Rose, 2016 (2017 out now), $30. Queenslander, The Big L. reports from Cameron’s Corner : “I don’t generally like rose but this one’s a cracker. At cellar temperature it’s raspberry, lychee and citrus.” All grown at Cubby now we understand. 9/10.

Thorn-Clarke Shotfire Barossa Shiraz 2015, $27. Not quite as explosive as its name implies it nevertheless is a suitably salubrious shot to the tastebuds, exactly what you want. 8.8/10.

Thorn-Clarke Sandpiper Eden Valley Pinot Gris 2016, $20. A hint of bitterness makes this ideal for a girls’ night out or a blokes’ beer bottling night. 8.6/10.

Jip Jip Rocks (Padthaway) Sauvignon Blanc 2016, $21. Jip Jip Rocks is a bottle of serious fun according to the label, seriously, so get serious and get some fun into you. 8.7/10.

Jip Jip Rocks Padthaway Shiraz 2015, $21. Jip Jip rocks. Sure does. A most unlikely name for such likable shiraz. 8.9/10.

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